The Coach’s Corner Newsletter #65
In our move to Texas, I discovered you have to get a new driver’s license. To do that you begin with a state inspection, use that inspection to register your car and get license plates and then you’re eligible to head out to a Driver License office to apply for a driver’s license.
It didn’t begin well.
I failed the first inspection hurdle because my check engine light was on. I failed the second inspection hurdle, even after the repair. On my third try, now knowing the folks at Brakes Plus in Rockwall, Texas by name, I parked my car and took a deep breath.
Waiting in the all too familiar customer area as an inspector went through the paces, I used the time to evaluate how I showed up all three times. What was my mindset?
In the first visit I was surprised. In my second visit I was frustrated and chose to rush the process. On the third visit I arrived knowing I’d done what was necessary, having driven the required miles and was actually visualizing a positive result.
When the technician handed me the document with a PASS stamped on it, the relief was overwhelming. Thanking everyone, including Joe who seemed like he felt my pain, I walked out into the sunshine and wondered about how my mindset was so different on that day.
Of course, a positive mindset wouldn’t have granted me a ‘PASS’ on the first try. If there’s a check engine light on in your vehicle, I’ve learned you will fail an inspection. However, not following the directions given, thinking I somehow I knew better as I rushed the process, the second ‘FAIL’ left me with a very negative mindset. Over the course of the next few days, I evaluated what I learned. On my third try I arrived knowing I did all I was instructed to do which left me in a much better place.
Reprising Marshall Goldsmith’s line, “every breath is a new breath,” I didn’t have to wait for weeks to turn this negative outcome around. There are still rough patches I’m experiencing, as I’m sure you face as well. The difference is deciding how long I want to stay in that discomfort and choosing to re-examine my perspective.
Yes, you can change your mindset.
THIS WEEK’S INSIGHT
Your mindset matters
Meeting with Douglas for the first time for executive coaching, he had a clear goal. After feedback from his CEO, he told me he wanted to work on how to listen better to his team of direct reports recognizing that he doesn’t trust what they tell him.
20 years ago I was betrayed and lost a company I co-founded. For self-preservation, I’ve put up my guard with the belief that I pretty much don’t trust anyone. As I’m climbing in this new company, I’m seeing how this belief is hampering my relationship with teams and leaders because I project loud and clear: ‘I don’t trust you.’ And it’s gotten the attention of my leadership.
We began to explore the difference about what it means to stick to a belief, even when it no longer serves you. Fixed mindsets and growth mindsets came to mind. A fixed mindset might make you be less open to any flaws. That’s what you expect, what you project and what you take deeply personally.
Douglas jumped in,
That’s it – I hold onto the notion that every mistake is evidence that I cannot believe anything someone says! I even believe they’re trying to undermine me. Since this is what I expect, why try to find out what might really be going on?
We then talked about how a growth mindset might play out, knowing you can change over time. I shared a quote from the book “Mindset,” by Carol Dweck, Ph.D.
As you begin to understand the fixed and growth mindsets, you will see exactly how one thing leads to another — how a belief that your qualities are carved in stone leads to a host of thoughts and actions, and how a belief that your qualities can be cultivated leads to a host of different thoughts and actions, taking you down an entirely different road.
So I wondered,
What if you believed that you can change over time?
And that’s where our conversation took a turn. Instead of staying in a hyper -vigilant state for any sign of efforts to throw him under the rug, Douglas toyed with the idea that he could choose to let things play out a little longer.
I did need to be cautious after losing my company, but that doesn’t have to be how I react to everything and everyone I encounter. I know I have some work to do, but maybe when I sense I’m getting triggered it’s a call for me to be alert. It doesn’t mean someone is out to get me.
What might you want to work on to examine your mindset before we meet again?
I asked.
First thing? Notice how what I’m saying and thinking about others may have more to do with what I think about myself.
THIS WEEK’S TOOL
Four steps on your journey from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset
When you live with a fixed mindset, you tend to live ‘small.’ There’s such a fear of being embarrassed or humiliated by making a mistake that you avoid challenges or experiences to stay safe.
When you choose to adopt a growth mindset – you become more willing to try something new or accept constructive feedback that may give you a fresh perspective. One that gives you a much larger view of your life and work.
Tchiki Davis, PhD, blogs about 15 Ways to Build a Growth Mindset, and I’ve taken the liberty to share four of those nuggets with you.
1. Acknowledge and embrace imperfection in self and others, as it is the spice that makes us individuals. We all have our flaws, peculiarities, and weirdness—our imperfections.
2. Pay attention to your words and thoughts. Start to pay attention to the words you speak, even the words in your mind. If your words are low or dark, the results may be also. So watch yourself. Listen to what you are saying and thinking. Censor yourself and become your own guide.
3. “Not yet” is OK. When struggling with a task, remind yourself that you just haven’t mastered it “yet.” If you stick with it, time and practice will lead to improvement and self-development.
4. Effort. When faced with hard work, the “fixed mindset” person may recruit others to do the hardest parts, spending as little effort as possible, while the “growth mindset” person believes that good outcomes often require exertion—“effort” is just a part of the process.
My takeaway
Working on your mindset is a lifelong process. Just when I think I’ve conquered a really tough situation, another crops up in my life or work. When I get stuck, I go back to the tools I know I can lean on to reframe my perspective.
Because I’ve observed how often this comes up with clients, I do appreciate that changing your mindset isn’t a done deal. It’s a daily endeavor that is more than taking a risk or facing a challenge.
When you’re willing to face who you are, pay attention to your words and thoughts and notice where they take you, understand that ‘not yet’ offers you room to grow and recognizing the brilliance of the effort you are making – you are on the way.
Yes, you can change your mindset.
Effort is one of those things that gives meaning to life. Effort means you care about something, that something is important to you and you are willing to work for it.
Carol S. Dweck
