The Coach’s Corner Newsletter #66
This story comes back to me when I’m feeling the weight of the world.
A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?”
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”
She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed—incapable of doing anything.”
I believe the key element in this story is the length of time you choose to hold on to something. Something which leaves you feeling paralyzed and incapable of doing anything.
I’ve observed this pattern in emerging leaders, whose focus of work is shifting to strategy and discovering how to support their team. But they hit an impasse. The weight of their previous roles – the details, their desire for perfection, their belief they are the only ones to accomplish a task – blocks them.
In order to reach that next level, delegating elements of projects/tasks/work is essential. But every time you get ready to hand something off, you run through a list of reasons you have to do it yourself.
And then you hit that moment of overwhelm, recognizing that continuing on this path will mean you will lose out on both fronts: your new leadership role and your personal well being.
How can you be a thought leader when you’re re-doing everyone’s work before it’s sent out?
THIS WEEK’S INSIGHT
Why aren’t you delegating?
Over the past few weeks, delegation has come up in various scenarios as my clients are climbing in their organizations and finding it harder than they anticipated.
The new role isn’t harder, it’s letting go of the details of what I love doing that’s hitting me harder than I expected!
Delegation isn’t easy – and here are some of the reasons the leaders I’m working with say it’s so hard.
- Truthfully, I do it better.
- I simply don’t trust my team to do what they say they’re going to do.
- Do you know how long it would take to train someone to take over this project?
- Seriously, it’s just easier to do it myself.
Bottom line, I hear that unless these folks do the task at hand, they will be the ones who will suffer. The weight they’re carrying is paralyzing.
Since most are ready to lighten their loads, we focus on the blocker they identify is at the core of their resistance. Each individual then chooses what they want to do begin the work of putting down the weight they’re carrying around.
THIS WEEK’S TOOL
How to face your obstacles and lighten your load
Using the reasons listed above as the logic of why folks don’t delegate, let’s break each one down and offer a way to resolve the argument.
I can do it better.
That may be the case, and so what? Perfectionism in this arena will prevent you from letting go every single time. Acknowledge you may do it better. Then train well and check in frequently.
I don’t trust my team.
If this is how you feel about your team, how might they ever succeed? Choose an area where you know your team does work well, and assign a task in that field and see how it goes.
It will take too long to train someone.
Here’s where your strategic delegation skills can shine. Outline a scope of work – what is necessary for each step – and create regular check-ins to see how the project is going.
It’s easier to do it myself.
When a leader steps in continually, the team is demoralized. Empowering your team means stepping away from your own expertise, and discovering what others have to offer.
Instead of delegating all of your projects in one fell swoop, what if you begin with one piece? See what happens when you loosen your grip, and start to lighten your load.
My takeaway
Whether I’m carrying too many groceries, trying to squeeze one more meeting into a packed day or attempting to finish a project far later than necessary – I am aware of when my load has gotten too heavy.
I’ve also learned that when I delegate, there is more to that action than simply letting go.
Deciding to ask for help, get a fresh perspective from someone else and believing that I’m not the only person on the planet who can do this – goes a long way.
When I think I don’t trust someone, inviting them to join me in a task offers us both a chance to succeed. As I’m willing to partner, the weight of my project lightens and the person I wasn’t so sure of has the chance to demonstrate they can be trusted.
Keep putting that glass down.
Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done, because they want to do it.
Dwight Eisenhower
