The Coach’s Corner Newsletter #104
Living in Texas, I’m learning what grows best here by consulting people in nearby nurseries, researching online and asking questions of my neighbors who have attempted, succeeded and failed with numerous plants.
To drive this point home, there’s an award that’s handed out for the “yard of the month” in our neighborhood. This month, the coveted prize went to a neighbor down the street who’s elevated the planting of spring flowers in Texas – a testament to the sign in her yard.
When I congratulated her, she blushed.
Thank you so much. We’ve lived here 21 years and it’s the first time we got this honor.
21 years? That’s a long wait, indeed.
For many folks in the neighborhood, seeing these annual and perennial flowers in bloom is motivation that they can do something similar in this heat. For others, it gets the competitive juices flowing to see what they might do to get that sign in their yard.
This reminds me of conversations with leaders who tell me about the value of comparing sales, teams, projects and competitors to stay ahead of the game. These same leaders note that when they compare themselves to another’s achievement, it has the potential to leave them feeling ‘less than,’ if they focus on what they don’t have.
Because there is so much value in comparison, defined as “a consideration or estimate of the similarities or dissimilarities between two things or people,” I wonder how we might use comparison to add value rather than diminish ourselves.
THIS WEEK’S INSIGHT
The comparison dilemma
For the past few months, Nina has been working to empower her team to make more decisions on their own and this week she shared several successes. After talking about how this is giving her more space to be creative in her strategic planning, she paused.
There’s still something that bugs me. I’m noticing that I’m getting annoyed and frustrated when people don’t follow the rules.
Knowing that rules or directions can be very tricky, we unpacked the issue that was getting under her skin.
On my leadership team, we’ve all been asked to put in presentations for a major project with a specific number of slides to support our expertise. I submitted what was requested. Today I discovered that one of my fellow leaders turned in 4 more slides than requested. I shouldn’t be evaluated differently when I follow the rules and she doesn’t.
What feedback did you receive about your work?
That it’s spot on and they’re very pleased with my work.
And it sounds like you’re still frustrated. What’s prompting you to examine what they’ve done, when your work meets the mark?
Nina started laughing.
You’re not going to believe this. Your question just took me back to this weekend, when I was at my son’s swim meet. He won his race, but he kept looking back as he was swimming to see how close the other swimmers were. When he got out of the pool, I told him he’d done a great job and encouraged him to keep swimming with his head forward. I explained that by turning back he was losing a stroke! That’s what I’m doing here, I’m losing a stroke in my work because I’m not focusing on what I’m doing.
What might help you remember that – the next time you’re feeling like someone else is doing something better or different than you?
I just wrote down, ‘don’t lose a stroke by looking back.’ That’s a good touchpoint for me. And the cool thing is that if I’m aware I’ve lost a stroke, I can make it up with the next one!
That’s an insight.
THIS WEEK’S TOOL
Dos and don’ts of comparison
Comparison often gets a bad rap. At its core there is huge value in determining the similarities or dissimilarities of something. Like when you’re in the market for a car, a house or searching for a new job.
Where it gets sticky is when you compare yourself to others and you feel like you don’t measure up. Most of us face this in social settings, online, just about anywhere. This can lead to feeling insecure, anxious and depressed.
Using some of the ideas I found in a great piece by Heidi Zwart in BetterYou, here’s a list of ways that comparison might be helpful – and on the flip side, ways that it most certainly brings pain.
My takeaway
Comparisons come up in my life and work every day, no matter how strictly I try to focus on the task at hand.
Here’s what I’m learning.
It’s not the comparison that’s the problem – it’s my relationship to the comparison.
Knowing how much time I spend in my garden; I will always be trying to succeed with my plants and trees and groundcover. And without a benchmark, where would I be?
I’ve now observed what works better in this Texas soil because I can admit that my neighbors, the nursery experts and nearby family members know more than me in this space. It may take a minute to get established, and that’s OK.
What lies behind you and what lies in front of you pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
