The Coach’s Corner Newsletter #97
Walking through a big box store with our 2 and half year old 80-pound black lab mix, I felt the full force of a dog amazed and thrilled with everything he encountered – whether a human, lawn mower or AC unit.
As I held on tightly to his leash, a very brave and kind family approached us and asked to pet him. Skyler, our dog, was overjoyed. While I held him to a modicum of excitement with a firm grip, the mom and dad offered me some sage advice.
Have you tried the Gentle Leader head collar?
They shared that their 3-year old girl could walk their very large dog on her own using the contraption they described, without pulling. Struggling to keep our dog from jumping or darting through the store, my interest was piqued.
By the time we got home, I’d been online researching this lead:
A no-pull dog training tool designed to improve leash manners and control, especially for dogs who pull on walks, by gently redirecting their head when they pull.
Right on target. I placed the order.
When it arrived, we put the soft band around his face and it worked immediately. Squirrels and rabbits no longer fear Skyler, and I don’t get yanked when a possum or a skunk comes into view.
By accepting the nudge of kind strangers, I literally loosened my grip.
THIS WEEK’S INSIGHT
Loosening your grip
Julian arrived with a sigh.
My team, my team. They can tackle monumental tasks but they fall short when it comes to completing an assignment!
After we explored how he assigns their tasks, Julian shared that one of his team is giving him feedback that he’s micromanaging their work. So, I wondered, what prompted this team member to say that?
I’m not sure what else to do. I check in, they’re not done, so I step in and complete the task and yes, I’m frustrated!
As he spoke, Julian clenched his fists and looked outside.
So, what’s another way you might engage with your team at the beginning of the project?
That gave Julian pause.
From the beginning? Well, I want to know that they understand what’s being asked of them, are clear on the deliverables for the deadline and actually complete the work on time.
And how are you doing that now?
Now that we’re talking about this, I realize I added two more requirements the day before the project was due. Because they didn’t know what to do, I reached out several times and then I stepped in. No wonder they think I’m micromanaging.
That’s when we role played how Julian might reframe how he delivers a task, using Fred Kofman’s “Making clear requests” template from his book, Conscious Business.
THIS WEEK’S TOOL
A strategic approach to letting go
Because Julian had been hanging on so tight to his team’s performance, he didn’t notice that he hadn’t been clear from the outset. Providing clarity and asking questions gave him the freedom to release his grip.
Here’s the ‘Making Clear Requests’ template we walked through.
1. Set the context – This is the more general/high level/ultimate purpose.
“In order to achieve the goals of our company – here are the objectives we must meet.”
2. Make the request – This is observable and measurable. (Project, initiative, presentation.) Provide clear details of what is expected.
“I ask you to deliver —–X—— (task) by ——Y——– (date) What else might you need to accomplish this task?”
3. Handshake – Give the person the chance to accept or not.
“Can you commit to that?”
Yes.
No.
Yes, I can deliver – but I need more time.
Yes, I can deliver – but I need more resources.
“What kind of accountability works for you…how would you like me to check in before the deadline?”
4. Contract – Now you have a contract with this person to fulfill this commitment.
My takeaway
I do notice when I’m holding on too tight in any given situation.
Sometimes I know it’s out of my control, other times I just want it to be within my control so much that I cling harder.
That’s why the suggestion from a stranger, on how to loosen the grip I had on the leash of our dog, struck me so deeply.
Skyler and I just returned from a walk. He may not be thrilled for the few seconds it takes me to place the “Gentle Leader” on his muzzle, but he knows what he gets in return: long walks several times a day.
You lose nothing when you loosen your grip on what is not yours to change. Sometimes releasing the desire for control is the only way to win.
Marta Mrotek
