The Coach’s Corner Newsletter #78
Have you noticed that when you’re growing, creating or moving up the ladder you’re actually eager to get feedback?
- How is this message coming across?
- What did you think of the presentation I delivered?
- How does this color look on the wall?
But after you’ve painted the room or published your book or received that promotion, there’s a shift. That same urge to hear more about what you’ve accomplished seems to fade, in fact you might actually resist any feedback.
I’m curious about that threshold as I work with some amazing leaders who are used to giving and receiving feedback, but frequently get to a place where they no longer view feedback as a positive tool for growth.
Britannica defines feedback as:
Helpful information or criticism that is given to someone to say what can be done to improve a performance, product, etc.
With this perspective in mind, one would think that anything to actually help you improve might be something you would want to to seek out. So what’s holding you back?
THIS WEEK’S INSIGHT
How open are you to feedback?
I got some great insight into why we shy away from feedback in this Forbes article by Remy Blumenfeld, Why Feedback Feels Threatening & What To Do About It.
Blumenfield identifies a number of ways that may send you running when you hear feedback is on the way, whether it comes from your boss, your best friend or your learning institution.
We hear feedback as criticism – which we are hard wired to reject. For many, feedback is understood as criticism which we perceive as a threat.
We turn feedback about our actions into attacks on who we are – that we are not good enough.
When we don’t feel empathy, we reject even useful feedback.
Although we can only improve by being corrected, we resist feedback – it’s the tension between wanting to learn and grow vs. being accepted just as we are.
We don’t remember what’s actually been said – when it conflicts with our self-image.
THIS WEEK’S TOOL
6 ways to improve how you receive feedback
Since most of us live and work in arenas where feedback in the form of one-on-one meetings, performance reviews or ratings are prevalent, how do you get to that place where you can receive that feedback – even if it stings?
I have the privilege of working on both sides of the feedback loop, and here’s what I’ve observed that might offer you another way to consider the positive, constructive or not-so helpful feedback you receive.
First: say thank you. Receive the feedback for its intended purpose, to inspire improvement.
Second: re-state what you’re hearing, to ensure you’re clear about the message.
Third: ask for specific examples to help you better understand the feedback that’s being offered before you respond.
Fourth: reflect on what you’re hearing. If you disagree with the feedback, formulate your response and/or get another opinion.
Fifth: follow up by making any changes that have been suggested or set up a time to discuss the feedback further.
Sixth: don’t wait, ask for feedback!
My takeaway
In my years of broadcasting, feedback came from a variety of sources: my co-anchors/hosts, fellow reporters, interview subjects, bosses, ratings. On a regular basis, my work was being evaluated and commented upon. How I chose to respond to those critiques was up to me, and I learned that for the most part I could find something that was helpful.
As a coach, I frequently ask how an idea is resonating with a client, whether we covered areas that will bring more clarity and how a client is feeling about the coaching relationship moving forward.
This week, I offered some ideas to a thought leader whose feedback is now allowing me to change up my entire presentation. I decided to jump all the way to the sixth step, from the above list, by asking for feedback. Now, I have work to do!
There is no failure. Only feedback.
Robert Allen
