In my work coaching executive leaders for the past decade, I’ve learned that arriving at a solution too quickly doesn’t break through an impasse. In fact, that’s when things break down.
Want to hear about the best strategy? Here’s how I watched this in action.
One of my Fortune 100 clients shared how a project meeting devolved into a major disagreement over how to prioritize essential work. He became so tangled in the emotions of his team that he realized they were not going to arrive at a quick solution that each seemed to be offering.
So, he asked for a 15-minute break and left the room.
Using that time he went to his office and wrote out the top issues the team raised that were creating the conflict. Once he wrote down the biggest areas of disconnect, he recognized more about WHY each side was so frustrated.
He then charted out an option he thought might address their concerns…
When he came back into the room, he put that idea on a white board and then asked aloud, “what are your thoughts?”
One by one, different team leaders added their voices to his proposal. In the next half-hour they found enough common ground to arrive at a place where they could agree on how to prioritize the work!
So, the next time your team is in conflict – here’s what works with my clients:
- Listen first.
Don’t interrupt.
Let the other person express their position.
Ask questions to understand the issue.
Confirm you understand by restating what you hear.
- Step away.
Pause the discussion.
Use the time to process any concerns.
Focus on the issues, not the person who’s frustrated.
- Return with ideas.
Affirm mutual goals.
Offer constructive ideas you believe address the concerns.
“Here’s what I’ve seen work – what are your thoughts?”
Be willing to adjust your ideas as you collaborate.
When you take this approach, those who may disagree with you and each other feel heard. Stepping away gives everyone the chance to reduce tension. Offering ideas where others can collaborate invites participation.
I’m CURIOUS – have YOU ever regretted arriving at a solution too quickly? What happened? Answer in the comments.
