Story: It’s not about you every time
Are you listening to hear what someone has to share, or using every chance to play a kind of charades with your team? I’m thinking of the “sounds like” move: a team member shares something that sounds like work you’ve done, are doing, or want to do, and you jump in to show how connected you are. Except that’s not what actually happens.
When a leader, maybe even you, interrupts the flow of a conversation or thought process, it often stops the person in the middle of it. Instead of getting the idea or explanation from them, you’ve taken over and are front and center when that isn’t what’s needed.
The founder of a non‑profit I worked with, who’d been focusing on better communication with his team, discovered that his board had become frustrated with his tendency to compete with their stories.
His gift for storytelling didn’t have to stop; it was all in the timing. The more he learned to listen to his team and what they were trying to share and was willing to ask them questions about their journeys, the less he was triggered to jump in with his own story.
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Interval: Listen, Clarify, Summarize
In your next meeting or conversation, see what happens when you take this approach:
- Let someone finish. Do your best to hold back your desire to “share” anything.
- Ask for clarity. Use how/what/where questions to dig into whatever they’ve shared.
- Summarize what you heard. Share what you just heard and check: did you get the whole story?
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Reflection: What did you hear that you might otherwise have missed?
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These story/interval/reflection sets are designed as short, high‑intensity reps you can practice between meetings. Use them at the pace that fits your work and life.
